update #19 - life in transition

Just let it be. You may as well; it is. Everything moves in and out at its own time. You have no control. You never did; you never will. -- Byron Katie


Since I first moved to Spain over 3 years ago, I knew my time here would be temporary. I had a sense of peace about being here and doing this work, but it felt like this was a stepping stone in the bigger journey. It can be tricky, though, not to wonder about the future...

How long is "temporary" - months, years, weeks? Where is the next stepping stone? Will it be for longer, or will it be just as temporary?

Adventuring in Toledo with Jimmy

You never really know where life is going to take you, nor when. I didn't know how long I'd be here. Much less where I'd go from here. There are plenty of things in life we can't know until we're in the midst of it. That's what makes (and keeps) life an adventure.

And I do love adventures: the newness, the excitement, the hope. But there are also moments of uncertainty, doubt, and questions.

So many questions in transition: Is this actually the best decision? What about that other option? What would life look like if we went down this completely different path instead?

On one hand, it can be a lot of fun to dream about those options. All the "what if"s. Picturing what life could be life if... I moved there. I met someone. I got my dream job. The list goes on...

I'll be honest, I easily get caught up in those daydreams. New cities, new work environments, new people, new cultures, new everything.

Stepping into those daydreams is another thing entirely.

Several months ago, I began asking those "what if" questions and surprisingly started getting some answers. The deep sense of peace I'd had about continuing to live in Spain these last several years came from a lack of open doors outside of this place. Because I didn't have any answers about next steps, it made sense to continue exactly where I was. There was something for me here and it wasn't quite yet finished.

There were many days I was ready to throw in the towel. But when it came down to it, I never could. There was something within me that knew that wouldn't have been right. So I stayed. I continued to pour out my heart, soul, and energy into my work. I formed meaningful and lasting friendships. I loved and felt loved by friends, coworkers, and families. I cared deeply for the people we serve in our neighborhood. 

Taking Ava out to lunch as her reward for
filling up her reading sticker chart

Our weekly English club - meeting a tangible
need while building meaningful relationships

I was as present as I could be to my friends, teammates, and those I was serving. In the midst of that, I realized that if I was going to stay well, I needed to figure out how I needed to be led, how I could contribute, who I really am at my core.

A lot of new things came up. And lot of things I'd learned about myself before were confirmed. More than anything, I gained confidence in myself.
And that confidence is what allowed me the freedom to start asking the questions that have led to some clear next steps. By no means do I have all the answers - not even a 5-year plan - but I do know the immediate next step, which is the most important thing since we can only take one step at a time.

We so often long to have all the answers, mostly to know that everything is going to turn out okay. But what kind of adventure is that?!

As intense and frustrating as this season of transition was - is, really - it has been an adventure. There have been ups and downs. There were some things I (thought I) could control, but honestly very few things. Life does, indeed, move in and out in its own time. Why try to force it? Why don't we embrace the adventure of transition? 

One step at a time.

Sunrise over our neighborhood

♥
mk

update #18 - visiting the Motherland

"the ideal is to feel at home anywhere, everywhere" -- Geoff Dyer

Feeling at home anywhere, everywhere is something I've always longed for - and I feel is a lot of what prompted me to travel as much as I have. There was a desire within me to explore all these places and feel at home in them. To be easily adaptable. To embrace living cross-culturally, and to allow parts of those cultures to seep into who I am.

Stockholm, September 2016

That's why I wanted to stay longer than a week or two in each city or country I visited.
Why I wanted to stay with locals, eat like locals, live like locals.
Why I wanted to learn their language.
Why I wanted to learn their customs and culture.

And yet, no matter how much desire I've had to learn all those things and live like locals, I have rarely felt at home in all the places I've traveled. Some cultures are too different from my home culture. Some languages are too unlike those I've studied for me to even attempt to communicate. Some customs are too foreign for me to understand.

There can be a lot of barriers to not feeling at home in a foreign place, which is what makes it so amazing when you find a place in which you do finally feel at home.

Village walks in Dalarna

Despite the fact that I spent my first 18 years living in America, I struggled to feel at home in that culture. Part of that could be moving across the country when I was 8 years old. Even though the move was still within America, there are some vast cultural differences between Pennsylvania and Washington state. I might not have been aware of it at such a young age, but I definitely went through some serious culture shock after that move. I put all of my energy into resenting my new "home" and longing for my old one.

Throughout my teens, I had several opportunities to travel to countries in Europe and Latin America. I loved each visit. It was fun communicating in a different language and practicing that skill. Though I hadn't been raised in those countries, something felt right about those places - those cultures. I felt more at home there than I felt at home in Washington.

There's always time for fika in Sweden

More than anything, Sweden felt like home. I remember being there for the first time at 18 and thinking I'd never felt so at home since leaving Pennsylvania. I spent a year in that country, in the land of my forefathers, visiting the town of my people, and exploring a bit of the beautiful countryside. I fell in love and was determined to go back, no matter how long or what it took. There was something within me calling me "home," despite not having been born or raised in Sweden.

I continued to travel and seek opportunities to get me back to Europe, but it took nearly a decade before I was back in Sweden. Many adventures between then and now, including a move to Europe, have made it more and more clear that it is difficult to be at home anywhere and everywhere. Despite my desire for that to be true, it was not easy to feel just as at home in Uganda and Nicaragua as it had been in Sweden. Even moving to Spain has had its challenges for me. I've come to realize that Sweden is a land filled with people who share so many similar values, with whom I can easily relate (since they're a country filled with introverts ;) haha), and is a huge piece of my identity.

Visiting the family home in Dalarna

In the three years (off and on) that I've lived in Spain, I've been able to visit the Motherland 3 times, each with wonderfully unique experiences. This last visit (nearly 2 months ago now, oops) brought me so much joy and made it that much harder to leave. I spent a quick weekend up north of Stockholm, visiting some relatives and seeing places of great importance to our family history.
It was beautiful in so many ways. A refreshing taste of Fall weather. Laughter-filled connections with distant cousins. Peace and quiet in cozy homes with incredible views of Swedish landscapes & lakes.

Family history & fika time

I love that place, more than words can explain.
I love my family. I love that culture. I love the green beauty. I love that it SNOWS there. I love that the days are really short in the winter and extremely long in the summer.
I love those things because they are part of who I am. I can't explain it any other way. Sweden is my home, whether or not I ever get to live there again. The Swedes are my people.

I still love to travel and learn about new cultures. But maybe this idea of being at home anywhere and everywhere has more to do with taking with me the parts of Sweden that make it home. I live in Spain for now. Who knows what the next 5, 10, 20 years hold. But what I do know is what a gift it's been to have gotten so much time learning about and experiencing Swedish culture over the years. Those are the things I can take with me, wherever I go.

Saying goodbye on a gorgeous Fall day

At the top of Lake Siljan with the lady cousins

And so, with my dalahäst, I can be at home anywhere, everywhere. ;)

Family group shot outside the dalahäst factory

♥
mk

update #14 - seasons

"everyone must take time to sit and watch the leaves turn" -- elizabeth lawrence

Snow in Stockholm

Living in Málaga, I often miss the winter. I love snow sports, looking outside and watching the ground get covered in a blanket of white, seeing snow-capped mountain tops, sipping hot chocolate by a warm fire after a walk through the snowy woods... There's so much magic in that season.

I do also love the summer. And here, I get plenty of that. It's not sunny and hot all the time, but the weather is pretty pleasant for most of the year here.

So maybe what I truly miss is the change in seasons. Having spent 10 years of my childhood in Seattle, you'd think I would be used to the lack of change. But that is one of the things that led me to travel and explore other places. I wanted change. I wanted something different, something new.

How often do we find ourselves wanting change? It seems so prevalent in society today - we need new phones every 2 years, new clothes every season, new haircuts, new cars, new jobs, new apartments, new whatever. Are we so unable to be satisfied or content with all that we have?

Yes, it's good to have motivation to push yourself and grow, but at what cost? If we're always thinking about the next new thing, the next goal on our list, are we ever being present and enjoying the moment?

I'm here in Spain for a season. There are no certainties of how long this season will last - months, years, decades? But I might as well enjoy the summer while I'm here, instead of longing for winter.

A sunny "winter" day in my neighborhood

I can embrace this season, seeing the gift of each day, every conversation, each friendship that's forming...

So, rather than dwelling on what I don't have or what I'm missing, I choose to make the most of this season of my life. I know I'll miss it when it's over, so I might as well enjoy it while I'm in it.
 

A Málaga sunset

♥ mk

update #13 - stories

"I am interested in personal stories because that's when people become expressive, spontaneous, and heartfelt." -- Anna Deavere Smith

I stopped on the corner of the street and asked my friend how he was doing. He's someone my co-worker and I first met while serving lunch at Amfremar (the local soup kitchen in our neighborhood) and have since gotten to know at our English club. He's been looking for work since the end of the summer. Without any family nearby, he has been forced to find alternative housing (read: living in a tent in the foothills just above our neighborhood). He makes a valiant effort, though, dressing in nice, button-up shirts during the day and selling birds of paradise flowers on the side of the street to make ends meet.

Every time I see him, I stop to say hello and ask how he's doing. He's quite a positive person, given his circumstances, which often reminds me of what's truly important in life.

It's not so much about the things we have (beyond our basic needs), but the relationships we have - and how we can share the things we do have with other people in our lives.
It's not about noticing what we have (or lack) compared to other people, but more about coming together as a community and realizing what we all have together.

It's a joy to be able to work in community development because most of my weeks are filled with stories like this that make me pause, re-focus, and re-center on what matters most. I honestly believe that if each of us opened our eyes to see the people we pass on the streets every day and took a moment to listen to their stories, we'd all have weeks filled with encounters and stories to shift our perspectives back to people, relationships, and community.

Who can you talk to this week?

There's a chance it could make their day.
And an even greater chance it could have a lasting impact on your heart.




♥ mk

update #11 - christmastime is here

Christmastime is here
Happiness and cheer
Fun for all that children call
Their favorite time of the year

Those of you who know me, know very well that this is my favorite time of the year. There's such joy, hope, and excitement in the air during this season. There's love and peace as families gather near and far to celebrate with one another.

For as long as I can remember, I've loved the Christmas season, willing it to start earlier every year (a bit to the dismay and frustration of friends and roommates over the years who have had to listen to Christmas music in October... They would have started hearing it in September, but I was careful to listen through headphones that early ;) haha).

Memories of my childhood Christmases are summed up perfectly by this next verse of the song:

Snowflakes in the air
Carols everywhere
Olden times and ancient rhymes
Of love and dreams to share

I love snow and the magic it brings. Something so simple can blanket a town in white, bringing a quiet peace and tranquility upon its inhabitants. And it's such a beautiful image of the clean and perfect [new] life we're given in Jesus, the baby whose birth we celebrate at this time of the year.

Sleigh bells in the air
Beauty everywhere
Yuletide by the fireside
And joyful memories there

Making paper snowflakes to bring
"winter" to Southern Spain

This is only the second time I won't get to spend Christmas with my family, so in some ways it doesn't feel like Christmas is actually happening this year. I am, however, taking full advantage of living in Europe and am spending my favorite holiday in my favorite country - Sweden! It's wonderful to be back in the Motherland, spending time with relatives I've met and gotten to know in the last 10 years, reunited with my man after saying goodbye in Boston almost three months ago, and celebrating Christmas with a family friend who has been part of our family Christmases for about the last 20 years.

Definitely all amazing things that are part of what I enjoy so much about this season. As much as I love and cherish my childhood Christmas memories, it's a gift to be able to make new memories in this season every year. 

Christmas time is here
We'll be drawing near
Oh, that we could always see
Such spirit through the year
Oh, that we could always see
Such spirit through the year...

As you all draw near to family and friends this holiday season, may you reflect upon the true gifts of love, hope, peace, and joy that are at the core of the meaning behind this most wonderful time of the year. Receive those gifts and be willing to give them as well. May we all carry the true Christmas spirit with us throughout the year.

Christmas cookies!

Our English Club Christmas party - plenty of
laughter and cheer that night :)

♥
mk

update #10 - holidays and families

"the love of family and the admiration of friends is much more important than wealth or privilege."  -- charles kurah


This time of year always makes me miss my family. In the United States, it's a time when extended families come together to share a meal of Thanksgiving. It's a time when some families begin decorating for Christmas. It's time when college students come home to be with their families. A time when a lot of young adults take time off work and make their way back home so they can celebrate and spend time with their loved ones.

We celebrated Thanksgiving with some of

our Spanish neighbors and friends.

Feliz Día de Acción de Gracias!

I'm thankful to be in Spain right now, even though it's the most difficult time of the year for me to be away from my family.

I'm thankful I get to experience my favorite time of the year in a different culture from my own.

I'm thankful for the wonderful friendships I've been given here in Spain that make home not feel so far away.

I'm thankful that I'm able to feel at home here in Malaga.

I'm thankful for this unique experience to live abroad and immerse myself in a new culture.

I'm thankful for the new perspective I've gained from living here.

I'm thankful that Spaniards truly value families.

This past week, as I've been missing my family a little more than usual, I've started to notice the emphasis on families here.
When kids have a day off school and their parents have the day off work, it's almost assumed that the family will spend the day together. I went to the mall on such a day a couple of weeks ago and it was packed with families - moms, dads and kids all together. Crazy. That's just not something I normally saw in the States.
Then I started noticing things my Spanish friends would say about going away for the weekend with their parents. Because, evidently, that's a normal thing.
Even the way a traditional Spanish work (and school) day is set up to include siesta is designed so that families can spend some time and share a meal together every day.

What a beautiful thing it is! A value so important to this people group that it has shaped their culture.

Right now, living halfway across the world from my family and close friends, it's obviously impossible to share a meal together everyday. Or even have a conversation most days. But that certainly doesn't mean I love or value them any less. It just makes me wonder how this time in Spain will impact my own personal culture I'm developing as I take bits and pieces of cultures to which I'm exposed.

I'm grateful for this time in a culture that treasures family. In some ways it makes me long to be with my family and friends even more, but it also makes me want to be more present here. What other beautiful aspects of this culture will I get to discover over the next few years here?



♥
mk

update #9 - loving my (homeless) neighbors: Spain

"great opportunities to help others seldom come, but small ones surround us every day." -- sally koch

The last couple of weeks have been very full for me. Full of places to be, full of things to do, full of new cultural experiences (good and frustrating), full of wonderful conversations, full of people. Being an introvert, weeks like that have the potential to be very exhausting. But, while I did feel very tired at the end of most days, it was a truly fulfilling couple of weeks.

Filling bags with food to hold people
over between lunch and breakfast.

Now that I'm a bit more "settled in," I have the energy to be able to meet with more people during the day, which has been so great. The time I've been able to pour into new friendships has allowed the relationships to grow deeper, which, in turn, has helped me feel a bit more settled. It's amazing how much of a difference it can make to feel known in a foreign place. Even just to feel heard can be quite helpful.

In the last couple of weeks, I've been able to spend some time volunteering at Amfremar*, the soup kitchen in our neighborhood that serves breakfast and lunch to my (homeless) neighbors. Before leaving Spain last year, I had the opportunity to serve there for a couple of months and have been really looking forward to being back there, tangibly loving my neighbors.

Since going back there, I've started to recognize more faces on the streets as I walk through my neighborhood. People I never would have guessed might be struggling financially. People who have a story. People who have something to share.

I can't fix their problems, but I can offer a listening ear. I can give my time to help prepare and serve lunch. I can treat them with respect. I can tangibly love my neighbors. All of them.

The video below is a news story about Amfremar:

(For those who don't understand Spanish, the story shows and explains that Amfremar serves between 30 and 40 people two meals a day and sends them with a sack dinner at lunch. There is one cook in the kitchen, so during meal times, volunteers and a couple of office staff will come help serve the food. Amfremar also offers a place to sleep for up to 10 people, as well as counseling services to help these people get back up on their feet.)


*Amfremar stands for Amigos Malagueños de Familias Rehabilitados y Marginados (Malagueñan Friends of Rehabilitating and Marginalized families).



♥ mk

the gift of uncertainty

Lately a lot of things have felt completely out of my control. Even more than normally are. I've known throughout this whole process of getting ready to move back to Spain long-term that I don't know the day I'll be funded enough to purchase my plane ticket, or the day I'll hear that my visa application has been accepted - let alone the day I can even apply for my visa. But throughout this journey, I've felt incredible peace.

Peace in the midst of uncertainty.
In the midst of frustration, anxiety, questions.
So many questions - from friends, family, supporters, myself.

Why am I still in the States?

When am I going to leave for Spain?

What am I doing while I'm here?

Some of those questions have a (relatively) easy answer: it takes time to gather together and invest in the people God is calling to financially partner with me. And honestly, I'm SO thankful for that time! I want to know those who are supporting me in this way, and I want them to know me. My desire is for a mutually beneficial relationship; one where we can support, love and encourage each other. I'm still in the States because God has me here - to show me who He has for me on my support team, to heal me from past brokenness, and to fully prepare me for this lifestyle He's leading me to in Spain.

And can I just tell you how amazing it's been? How amazing He is?! Not that there were any doubts, but wow - experiencing HIM is ... I don't even know how to explain it ... true peace, unfailing love, eternal joy. The fullness of who Christ is. No more, no less.

I've gotten questions I can't answer. But one thing I've known for certain: Christ lives in me.

So really, what else matters?
Why worry about the little details of when, where, why?
What could possibly be as important as actually knowing Christ? Of pursuing His face?

Taking time to be still and listen

So, for a brief update - I'm in Seattle for the foreseeable future. This visa application process and support-raising is out of my control, but I have peace knowing that God is the One who has complete control over it all. He has me here now for a reason. He will get me to wherever He wants me in His perfect timing.

All I can do until then is make the most of this time.

This precious time I have with family and friends.

It is a gift.

When you give up control over all the details that can sometimes be so consuming, you can start to see the gift that every little moment is. Every person. Every conversation. Every sunrise and sunset. Every interaction with something in nature. It's all precious. It's all something I wouldn't necessarily get to experience if I were rushing through this time here, trying my hardest to get to wherever I think I need to be, when I think I need to be there.

How amazing our Father is, constantly blessing us with gifts - whether we see them for what they are or not. May we have eyes and hearts to see His many gifts for what they truly are!

Precious time with cousins

♥ mk

update #6 - cross-cultural training & reflections

"I want to travel the world and breathe the air of new places." --unknown

Some reflections of the time I spent in the cross-cultural training this past month:

Culture is a beautiful and unique mosaic that I believe is a picture of the diversity and creativity of Christ. He makes Himself known in all cultures, people groups, and countries across the world, not just one. He is not limited to our simple understanding of a design for living. He is bigger and greater than we can imagine. He encompasses all cultures, never changing who He is by nature, but revealing Himself in different ways to different people.


We can stand to learn a lot about Christ by visiting and immersing ourselves in different cultures. Each culture’s unique explanation of the purpose of the animals, plants, landforms that fill this earth reveal just a bit more of who God is. In my opinion, culture is a picture of the Body of Christ – each part unique and necessary for the Body to function properly; parts of each culture are a reflection of who Christ is and when we learn more about other cultures, we are able to see new and different parts of Christ.


However, while there is much beauty in the unique creativity God has in forming countless cultures throughout the world, our human brokenness is also made evident in certain parts of these cultures. There is no right or wrong culture, but there are clear parts of each culture that are simply not Christ, but the flesh. In those parts, however, there is a story of redemption waiting to be seen.


And that’s the beautiful thing: Christ is in every culture because He is a mosaic of cultures, and culture is a mosaic of who Christ is. Though He may have spent His time on earth in the Middle East, He now relates to all people in all cultures. His love is bigger than cultural divides. He is greater than the differences that can blind us humans. And it’s His love that must be taken across these cultural barriers. It’s His love that can be communicated across the cultural barriers because He is the one constant that remains true in all cultures. We just need to look for Him with a different perspective. There may be different ways of seeing Him, relating to Him, understanding Him in each culture, but one thing remains constant: Jesus is there.


I think this is something truly evidenced in culture: His love, glory and power are understood in various languages and experienced by people all across the globe. There is not just one culture that understands and experiences Christ. He is present everywhere. He might look different, but I think people are just seeing a different part of His face. It’s still Christ. It’s all Him. This outward expression of who a people group is shows just a portion of God’s marvelous creativity. What a wonderful gift it is to have multiple perspectives of the things God has created – and of our Father Himself!


Given our discussion of the multiple views of culture, I believe that one’s attitude towards a given culture will be positively impacted by having a high view of culture because there will be an openness and willingness to learn from the people of the host culture. Having a low view of culture, however, can negatively affect one’s attitude towards a given culture and its people by allowing a preconceived notion of right vs. wrong to dictate all interactions a person has with people in the host culture. It would prevent one from being able to have genuine, trusting relationships with people of the given culture because there would not be a willingness to understand the reasons behind why people do what they do. There might be an assumption that if it is not done the same (“right”) way, it is wrong and therefore sinful. I also think that having a neutral view of culture will negatively affect one’s attitude towards a given culture and its people because that person won’t see the need to actually understand the culture of the people before building a relationship. There would be countless misunderstandings based on cultural differences that could be avoided if that person valued culture.


Having a high view of culture can affect one’s approach to missions by seeing that Jesus is the one who makes culture beautiful, unique and diverse. Understanding that He is revealed in different ways throughout the cultures of the world will help the missionary’s approach in sharing the gospel. Being culturally aware allows us to share Christ in a way that is understandable to people in our host culture. Having a low or neutral view of culture would likely lead to many difficulties in sharing the gospel with the host culture because there is no value for, or understanding of, the need to contextualize the gospel for the sake of the people in the host country.

♥ mk

update #5 - finding rest

"take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop." -- Ovid

I've been at a cross-cultural training for the past three weeks as part of my preparation for moving to Spain long-term. It’s been a time filled with learning from facilitators who lived overseas for a number of years, other students who are preparing to enter the field full-time as well, and everyone in between. Coming in to the training, I was feeling pretty exhausted from a number of months of traveling, not feeling settled anywhere, and constantly living out of a suitcase. I was looking forward to being in one place for six weeks – the longest I've stayed in one place since returning to the States last July – and (finally) getting some rest.

This training is out in the middle of nowhere, North Carolina, and there are about 30 students here, so in my mind, I thought I’d definitely be getting my share of solitude and alone time. I’d recharge here and be ready to hit the ground running and raise the rest of the support I need to return to Spain (hopefully) this Spring.

However, God had other plans in mind. I live in a dorm with 6 other women who are leaving to various parts of the world, so stories have been shared over meals, walks around (the booming metropolis of) Union Mills, in the classroom, and between fits of laughter. I've gotten less sleep and much less alone time than I’d planned or thought I might have. I haven’t read nearly as much as I’d hoped I would. I haven’t written on my blog in months. I've hardly had time to make phone calls during the week.

I haven’t, I haven’t, I haven’t.

But I have made some incredible friends.

I have been encouraged.

I have gotten rest.

I have been rejuvenated.

I have seen Christ in others.

I have fellowshipped with brothers and sisters.

Yesterday afternoon, it started to “snow” here. Now, I’m coming to learn that snow means something different depending on what part of the country (or world) you’re in. There’s maybe an inch or two of snow out there, but it’s covering a thick layer of ice. So our classes were delayed this morning. We were supposed to have a time of worship together as a class before our cross-cultural classes started, so we invited the guys to come over and join our dorm of girls for some songs and prayer. And it’s been incredible. 

Something unexpected.

Something truly beautiful.

Spontaneous outpouring of love for our Father.

I have gotten to rest here. It most certainly didn't look like what I’d expected. But, then again, when does it ever?

In Christ, I find true rest.

Only in Him.

“Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.”

Psalm 90:14

♥

mk

update #4 - loving my (homeless) neighbors: Seattle

"we think sometimes that poverty is only being hungry, naked, and homeless. the poverty of being unwanted, unloved and uncared for is the greatest poverty. we must start in our own homes to remedy this kind of poverty." -- Mother Theresa

Last night I went to a local shelter to serve dinner to some of my homeless neighbors. Since it wasn't raining, I decided to walk down to the shelter, which is always helpful in clearing my mind, slowing my thoughts, and preparing me for the experience and conversations I'm about to have.

And I had no idea just what I was in for.

Before the meal, we all sang some Christmas carols together and it was such a beautiful sight, looking at all of these people who are visibly hurt, broken, struggling to make it another day opening their mouths and singing. It's amazing what a little bit of music can do to lift spirits. And to see a room filled with men and women desperate for hope, finding some joy in the moment as we all sang together, gave me an overwhelming sense of love for these people I'd just met.

It keeps things in perspective, really, to meet people who don't have a house or apartment to call home, and yet can smile, finding joy in the midst of such pain. My heart broke for my neighbors there, but I also felt so much hope for them because of their outward demonstration of hope, joy, and peace.

The conversations I had with a couple of them after the meal were such a good reminder to me that these neighbors of mine are just as broken as I am, because we all share in our humanity. And they can also have just as much joy and hope as I can.

And so I gladly and humbly plan to return to that shelter to not only serve my neighbors, but also listen to their stories. There's so much I can learn from them. But, more importantly, when I slow down and actively engage in conversation with my homeless neighbors, it gives them a chance to regain their sense of humanity, feeling valued and loved again. And what greater gift is there to give than sharing in Christ's love with one another? 'Tis the season, after all. :)



♥ mk

update #2 - perspective shift

"every dreamer knows that it is entirely possible to be homesick for a place you've never been to, perhaps more homesick than for familiar ground" -- Judith Thurman

I'm a bit behind on blog posts, so I'm going to pretend like today is Tuesday and give you an update. Just go with it. ;)

So, if you read my update from a couple of weeks ago, you know that I've been back in the States since July and am currently preparing to return to Spain for (at least) three years. As part of this preparation, I have the opportunity to share with friends and family what God has been doing in Spain and what He's calling me be part of there, and invite them to invest in this work. It can be an emotionally, mentally, and physically draining thing for me - an introvert - to do day in and day out.

But God has been amazingly faithful, giving me strength, rest, and peace through it all.

Actually, it's not just that He gives me those things, but that He IS those things. God has become my strength, my rest, and my peace through this journey. I don't go looking to Him to give me momentary peace and rest when I'm tired because He is not momentary but eternal - the beginning and end. He is my continual rest, my constant peace, my everlasting strength. There is no way those things - which are characteristics of Christ - can leave me as long as it is His life (not my own) living in and through me.

And that has caused my whole perspective to shift.

It is no longer about having enough strength to make it through a day, morning, conversation. It is not about how quickly I can raise the funds I need to get back to Spain. It is not about how much sleep I can get to have the energy to keep going through this stage of the journey.

It's all about Jesus.
Just Jesus.

My focus has turned away from the things that can so often get me down or stress me out and to the One thing that matters: seeking to know Christ more fully. And it's so beautiful what this has done to my whole world. As I look to Him, all I can see are the ways in which He's provided for me in the past - and is clearly continuing to provide.

I used to be so scared of the idea of raising support for my salary, but I've come to see the incredible blessing it is to live in complete reliance on God's provision for my needs. It's no longer about the dollars, but about seeking more of Him and trusting that He will continue to provide as He always has - this time in a new, "non-traditional" way.

And oh, what a wonderful thing it is when He chooses to provide through gifts from dear friends and family! I love getting to share in Him and His work in this way. It creates quite a community when people come together for a cause. And I can't even begin to tell you how blessed I feel to be part of a community and family like this. Wow.

(Note: if you'd like to know more about what God is doing through CRM in Spain, please feel free to write me! I'd love to share more about it.
ALSO, if you feel led to partner with CRM in this, please follow this link and type "Mikaela McGee" in the search box to make a donation to my fund.)


Please post questions or comments below to continue this conversation!

♥
mk

with all my heart

"wherever you go, go with all your heart" -- Confucius

It's been over four months since I first arrived in Spain. In some ways, it's hard to believe it's been so long because I feel like I just stepped off the plane. But when I slow down to think about the experiences I've had, the people I've met, the beauty I've seen, the love I feel for the Spanish people and their culture, I'm amazed that it's only been four months.

This love is not just a fascination with all the new and different things I'm experiencing daily. While Spain hasn't yet become "home" to me, I am constantly finding myself more comfortable with the language and more easily able to adjust to cultural customs. But what I've come to realize is that this comes not from an attitude of obligation, but rather a deep sense of love.

Making sandwiches for our homeless neighbors

I can't explain this love with words because it is too vast, too extraordinary, to out-of-this-world. I experience this love through an un-explainable ache in my heart for people I don't yet know. Compassion. My heart actually pains for the poor, the hungry, the lonely, the broken in this world. It hurts me so much that I can't just stand by and watch or hear stories; I feel an overwhelming need to do something, anything, that might bring love, joy, hope to these people. Because that's what love does. It acts. It listens. It cares.

The more time I spend here, the more my heart aches, and the more I love these people. I deeply desire for them to know love and to be loved and known. We, as a community, have begun going out in our neighborhood to sit down with some homeless people to have a conversation over some coffee and sandwiches.

The idea behind this is simply to give them back their humanity. They are first people, then homeless. They are no different from the rest of us just because they don't have a building or room to call home. We are a community of human beings.

It's time we all start acting like a community. It's time we open our hearts fully, allowing us to receive love and give it more fully, to be love, and to act on that love. It doesn't take a special person to do this. We are all capable of loving our neighbors, whatever that looks like. But do we love them? Do we open our hearts enough to allow ourselves to love more fully?



Wherever you are, may you love with all your heart.

♥ mk

a foreigner in every land

"There are no foreign lands. It is the traveler only who is foreign." - Robert Louis Stevenson

The more time I spend in Spain, the more I notice that I don't fit in. I may have known Spanish before coming here, but I was not well-versed in Castilian (the Spanish of Spain) vocabulary, much less the local Andalusian Spanish. I don't look anything like the "typical" Spaniard. I'm still adjusting to the late-night lifestyle and fully embracing siestas. This slow-paced lifestyle is not how I am used to living... The list goes on - there are countless ways in which I am different from the people, culture, etc. here.

And it's those very differences that, in an odd way, make me feel so at home. While I don't exactly blend in here, there were many times I felt equally as foreign in the United States, where I grew up. Maybe "belonging" somewhere is just something that takes time. Or maybe there won't be any one country in which I don't feel foreign. I feel that the more cultures I experience - not just visit, but try to understand through long-term stays and investing in the people - the more foreign I become to any one country. I am becoming a mix of so many different cultures with each new city and country to which I move.

I am a foreigner in every land. 

It's a beautiful thing, really. But it also fills my life with the tension of wanting to belong and yet not wanting to be tied to one country or culture.

Despite - or maybe because of - all of this, I am becoming increasingly aware of how unimportant it is that I fit in or not. As I meet and am in conversation with more people here, it's so evident that we are all fundamentally the same. We are all on a journey, all seeking one thing in life: love. I can try and separate myself from a person (or people group) because we don't speak the same language, have the same cultural practices, value the same things.

But I would never be able to succeed.

There is something so deeply rooted in human nature that bonds us, whether we recognize it or not. Together we are on this journey through life. In spite of not culturally fitting in here in Málaga, I know that I do fit in with the people of my neighborhood, this city, this country because we all share this need for love in our lives. So I am living more intentionally every single day, letting my life be full of love by seeking out the need and actually doing something about it. Because, by loving others, I become more full of love. It is an incredible, more purposeful, difficult and super-rewarding way of life.

I hope that I am forever a foreigner on this planet, always searching for ways to love and serve my neighbors, whoever they might be, and wherever life takes me.

♥ mk

traveler or tourist

"The traveler sees what he sees. The tourist sees what he has come to see" -- G.K. Chesterton

love these European streets!

I've now been in Málaga, Spain for just over three weeks. I feel like I just got here, and yet so much has happened since I arrived! Within my first 48 hours, I had consumed two Thanksgiving meals - one of which was with about 15 Spaniards -, explored my new neighborhood, and ventured out to see the Christmas lights in "downtown" Málaga (El Centro). There may not be as many famous tourist attractions here as there are in Paris, but there is so much to see and experience here - and I'm loving every minute of it!

One of my favorite things about traveling is the opportunity to truly experience the cultures I visit. I find this more difficult if I have a "tourist mindset" - having my own agenda, seeing places and things I came to see - rather than being open to the spontaneity of going where the wind takes me, so to speak. The last time I was in Spain (this past summer), I had 5 days in Barcelona and 5 days in Málaga to "see it all." I was a tourist this summer, visiting the destinations and eating the foods people recommended I see and eat before leaving Spain. It was wonderful - I had so much fun and thoroughly enjoyed it. But being a traveler this time around is SO much better. I still get to see and taste new and exciting things, but from a different perspective. I see daily life. I see families walking their children to school, old friends meeting at a café in the morning, children playing on the tire swing by the beach.... not your typical tourist attractions. And maybe not something that would particularly stand out to anybody. But these are the things that I think make up a culture more than an iconic building might.

And it's these customs that I love to see, hear, smell and experience as I travel the world. Taking the time to slow down and watch, have a conversation, truly listen to people - these things will change a person. Being a tourist can sometimes prevent me from opening my eyes to the true beauty of the country I'm visiting - if I'm too focused on seeing the sights, I may entirely miss the culture, the opportunity to engage in conversation with a local, the chance to have my perspective transformed. So, I hope that this year in Spain will be more about seeing what I see rather than what I have come to see. 

Christmas lights in Málaga

In El Centro with Irene

I feel so blessed by how well this transition has gone. I've been able to jump right into Spanish - just need to work on my Andaluz accent ;) - and people have been so kind and welcoming. Thank you all for your prayers and thoughts during this time!

Below are some pictures of a recent trip I took to Ronda - a town about 1.5 hours west of Málaga. There are so many amazing places here in Southern Spain - my backyard!

Looking out over the Andaluz countryside

Puente Nuevo - the bridge over the 390-foot-deep
chasm that divides the city of Ronda

A different perspective of the bridge

Ronda, Spain

♥ mk 

see them as they are

"The use of traveling is to regulate imagination by reality, and instead of thinking of how things may be, to see them as they are" - Samuel Johnson

Oh, how I love to travel! The new sights, aromas, languages, people... There is just so much goodness in exploring, learning, experiencing and understanding different ways of life. So much of the way I live my life today is because of the different cultures I've encountered through travel. I have seen what life is like outside of the country in which I grew up and, when I was younger, it caused me to wonder which is the correct way of doing things. Thankfully, along with age came a bit of wisdom and maturity in approaching such questions. There is no right or wrong. We are all unique human beings - so how could there possibly be one language, greeting, lifestyle, or even food? I am so grateful for the little nuances that make each culture unique.

The Eiffel Tower lit up while we
were waiting in line to go up

Whenever I arrive in a new country (for the first, tenth, hundredth time), I can't help but have a giant smile on my face. There is always so much to take in - between the signs, sounds, and smells - that it can be overwhelming. And I let it overwhelm me, but in a good way. I embrace the fact that I'm out on a new adventure, seeing new sights and meeting new people. I'm excited about the chance to practice that language - or even pick up a new one! - and go out and experience the culture through the eyes of a local.

One of the most beautiful things about all of this is that, by putting myself in these foreign places, I get to see daily life from a new perspective. It's much more than just imagining how things are in other countries and cultures; it's experiencing, understanding and knowing them. It is these different views and perspectives that shape my own outlook. I love allowing parts of each culture I've experienced to form part of who I am, how I interact with the world. The traditions, music, customs, food... 

But there is one amazing detail that it evident in all cultures, countries, places and people. One thing that makes us all unique and yet ties us all together.

LOVE.

Life is all about experiencing and knowing love to the fullest. And I'm most often reminded about this while I'm traveling - my eyes falling on new forms of beauty created for me to see, my taste buds overwhelmed with the most delicious combinations of flavors, and my heart and soul being filled with the joy of knowing I am where I'm right where I'm supposed to be.

The journey I began this Fall started with a few days in Paris, France. Here are a few pictures of the lovely sights that city holds:

♥ mk

Best way to get over jet lag:
walk everywhere to see the sights

Sacre Coeur at night

Lunch at Cafe des 2 Moulins