update #18 - visiting the Motherland

"the ideal is to feel at home anywhere, everywhere" -- Geoff Dyer

Feeling at home anywhere, everywhere is something I've always longed for - and I feel is a lot of what prompted me to travel as much as I have. There was a desire within me to explore all these places and feel at home in them. To be easily adaptable. To embrace living cross-culturally, and to allow parts of those cultures to seep into who I am.

Stockholm, September 2016

That's why I wanted to stay longer than a week or two in each city or country I visited.
Why I wanted to stay with locals, eat like locals, live like locals.
Why I wanted to learn their language.
Why I wanted to learn their customs and culture.

And yet, no matter how much desire I've had to learn all those things and live like locals, I have rarely felt at home in all the places I've traveled. Some cultures are too different from my home culture. Some languages are too unlike those I've studied for me to even attempt to communicate. Some customs are too foreign for me to understand.

There can be a lot of barriers to not feeling at home in a foreign place, which is what makes it so amazing when you find a place in which you do finally feel at home.

Village walks in Dalarna

Despite the fact that I spent my first 18 years living in America, I struggled to feel at home in that culture. Part of that could be moving across the country when I was 8 years old. Even though the move was still within America, there are some vast cultural differences between Pennsylvania and Washington state. I might not have been aware of it at such a young age, but I definitely went through some serious culture shock after that move. I put all of my energy into resenting my new "home" and longing for my old one.

Throughout my teens, I had several opportunities to travel to countries in Europe and Latin America. I loved each visit. It was fun communicating in a different language and practicing that skill. Though I hadn't been raised in those countries, something felt right about those places - those cultures. I felt more at home there than I felt at home in Washington.

There's always time for fika in Sweden

More than anything, Sweden felt like home. I remember being there for the first time at 18 and thinking I'd never felt so at home since leaving Pennsylvania. I spent a year in that country, in the land of my forefathers, visiting the town of my people, and exploring a bit of the beautiful countryside. I fell in love and was determined to go back, no matter how long or what it took. There was something within me calling me "home," despite not having been born or raised in Sweden.

I continued to travel and seek opportunities to get me back to Europe, but it took nearly a decade before I was back in Sweden. Many adventures between then and now, including a move to Europe, have made it more and more clear that it is difficult to be at home anywhere and everywhere. Despite my desire for that to be true, it was not easy to feel just as at home in Uganda and Nicaragua as it had been in Sweden. Even moving to Spain has had its challenges for me. I've come to realize that Sweden is a land filled with people who share so many similar values, with whom I can easily relate (since they're a country filled with introverts ;) haha), and is a huge piece of my identity.

Visiting the family home in Dalarna

In the three years (off and on) that I've lived in Spain, I've been able to visit the Motherland 3 times, each with wonderfully unique experiences. This last visit (nearly 2 months ago now, oops) brought me so much joy and made it that much harder to leave. I spent a quick weekend up north of Stockholm, visiting some relatives and seeing places of great importance to our family history.
It was beautiful in so many ways. A refreshing taste of Fall weather. Laughter-filled connections with distant cousins. Peace and quiet in cozy homes with incredible views of Swedish landscapes & lakes.

Family history & fika time

I love that place, more than words can explain.
I love my family. I love that culture. I love the green beauty. I love that it SNOWS there. I love that the days are really short in the winter and extremely long in the summer.
I love those things because they are part of who I am. I can't explain it any other way. Sweden is my home, whether or not I ever get to live there again. The Swedes are my people.

I still love to travel and learn about new cultures. But maybe this idea of being at home anywhere and everywhere has more to do with taking with me the parts of Sweden that make it home. I live in Spain for now. Who knows what the next 5, 10, 20 years hold. But what I do know is what a gift it's been to have gotten so much time learning about and experiencing Swedish culture over the years. Those are the things I can take with me, wherever I go.

Saying goodbye on a gorgeous Fall day

At the top of Lake Siljan with the lady cousins

And so, with my dalahäst, I can be at home anywhere, everywhere. ;)

Family group shot outside the dalahäst factory

♥
mk