update #19 - life in transition

Just let it be. You may as well; it is. Everything moves in and out at its own time. You have no control. You never did; you never will. -- Byron Katie


Since I first moved to Spain over 3 years ago, I knew my time here would be temporary. I had a sense of peace about being here and doing this work, but it felt like this was a stepping stone in the bigger journey. It can be tricky, though, not to wonder about the future...

How long is "temporary" - months, years, weeks? Where is the next stepping stone? Will it be for longer, or will it be just as temporary?

Adventuring in Toledo with Jimmy

You never really know where life is going to take you, nor when. I didn't know how long I'd be here. Much less where I'd go from here. There are plenty of things in life we can't know until we're in the midst of it. That's what makes (and keeps) life an adventure.

And I do love adventures: the newness, the excitement, the hope. But there are also moments of uncertainty, doubt, and questions.

So many questions in transition: Is this actually the best decision? What about that other option? What would life look like if we went down this completely different path instead?

On one hand, it can be a lot of fun to dream about those options. All the "what if"s. Picturing what life could be life if... I moved there. I met someone. I got my dream job. The list goes on...

I'll be honest, I easily get caught up in those daydreams. New cities, new work environments, new people, new cultures, new everything.

Stepping into those daydreams is another thing entirely.

Several months ago, I began asking those "what if" questions and surprisingly started getting some answers. The deep sense of peace I'd had about continuing to live in Spain these last several years came from a lack of open doors outside of this place. Because I didn't have any answers about next steps, it made sense to continue exactly where I was. There was something for me here and it wasn't quite yet finished.

There were many days I was ready to throw in the towel. But when it came down to it, I never could. There was something within me that knew that wouldn't have been right. So I stayed. I continued to pour out my heart, soul, and energy into my work. I formed meaningful and lasting friendships. I loved and felt loved by friends, coworkers, and families. I cared deeply for the people we serve in our neighborhood. 

Taking Ava out to lunch as her reward for
filling up her reading sticker chart

Our weekly English club - meeting a tangible
need while building meaningful relationships

I was as present as I could be to my friends, teammates, and those I was serving. In the midst of that, I realized that if I was going to stay well, I needed to figure out how I needed to be led, how I could contribute, who I really am at my core.

A lot of new things came up. And lot of things I'd learned about myself before were confirmed. More than anything, I gained confidence in myself.
And that confidence is what allowed me the freedom to start asking the questions that have led to some clear next steps. By no means do I have all the answers - not even a 5-year plan - but I do know the immediate next step, which is the most important thing since we can only take one step at a time.

We so often long to have all the answers, mostly to know that everything is going to turn out okay. But what kind of adventure is that?!

As intense and frustrating as this season of transition was - is, really - it has been an adventure. There have been ups and downs. There were some things I (thought I) could control, but honestly very few things. Life does, indeed, move in and out in its own time. Why try to force it? Why don't we embrace the adventure of transition? 

One step at a time.

Sunrise over our neighborhood

♥
mk